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Jokes Thread

I just told this joke in another thread and thought that we should start a thread with our favorite or ridiculous jokes. I can't wait to see these...

Comments

  • So, a Roman walks into a bar holding up two fingers and says "I'll have 5 beers please".

  • chuckeycharleschuckeycharles Posts: 6,029

    So, a Roman walks into a bar holding up two fingers and says "I'll have 5 beers please".

    Saw it in the other thread... I must be dense.
    10 Team Dynasty - All TDs = 6 / PassingYd = .04 / Rushing-ReceivingYd = .10 / No-PPR / No Bonus
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - RB - RB/WR - WR - WR/TE - TE - DST - K
    QB - Wilson, J. Allen, Stafford, Haskins, Minshew / RB - Saquon, Zeke, Kamara, D.Cook, Samuels, Mattison, Pollard, J.Hill
    WR - Hopkins, M.Thomas, AJG, Godwin, M.Williams, AJBrown, Chark / TE - OJ.Howard, M.Andrews. Dissly, Hockenson, Gesicki,
    DST - Ravens, Vikings / K - Lutz
    12 Team Dynasty - TDs = 4-6 / PassingYd 25=1 / Rushing-ReceivingYd 10=1 / PPR / Bonus 3 at 300-100
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - 2RB - 3WR - 1TE - 1FlexRWT - DST - K
    QB - Cousins, Trubisky, Darnold / RB - DJ, Ingram, K.Johnson, A.Jones, Crowell, JamaalWilliams, M.Davis, D.Harris, R.Armstead, A.Barnes
    WR - Hopkins, K.Allen, DK.Metcalf, Boykin, Westbrook, Humphries, DavidMoore, Cole, Sharpe, Baldwin / TE - Gronk, Walker, Gesicki, Hurst, V.McDonald, Dissley
    DST - Steelers / K - Lutz
  • chuckeycharleschuckeycharles Posts: 6,029
    BUT since you started this thread...

    A man in a very exclusive restaurant notices that all the waiters and busers all have a spoon in their shirt pockets.

    The diner asks his waiter about it and the waiter replies that the restaurant owner, an efficiency expert, found that the utensil that most often falls on the floor is the spoon. So to save time everyone has a spoon on hand

    Later the man notices that his waiter has a string hanging out of his fly and asks his waiter about that.

    Embarrassed, the waiter tells him that that is another efficiency protocol. The restaurant owner studied the time consuming practice of hand washing following a trip to the men's room. So every male has a string around his little fella to remove it without touching it and thus avoid hand washing.

    The diner then says "Impressive, but, how do you put your little fella back?"

    The waiter replies "Well... I don't know about all the other guys. But, I just use the spoon."
    10 Team Dynasty - All TDs = 6 / PassingYd = .04 / Rushing-ReceivingYd = .10 / No-PPR / No Bonus
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - RB - RB/WR - WR - WR/TE - TE - DST - K
    QB - Wilson, J. Allen, Stafford, Haskins, Minshew / RB - Saquon, Zeke, Kamara, D.Cook, Samuels, Mattison, Pollard, J.Hill
    WR - Hopkins, M.Thomas, AJG, Godwin, M.Williams, AJBrown, Chark / TE - OJ.Howard, M.Andrews. Dissly, Hockenson, Gesicki,
    DST - Ravens, Vikings / K - Lutz
    12 Team Dynasty - TDs = 4-6 / PassingYd 25=1 / Rushing-ReceivingYd 10=1 / PPR / Bonus 3 at 300-100
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - 2RB - 3WR - 1TE - 1FlexRWT - DST - K
    QB - Cousins, Trubisky, Darnold / RB - DJ, Ingram, K.Johnson, A.Jones, Crowell, JamaalWilliams, M.Davis, D.Harris, R.Armstead, A.Barnes
    WR - Hopkins, K.Allen, DK.Metcalf, Boykin, Westbrook, Humphries, DavidMoore, Cole, Sharpe, Baldwin / TE - Gronk, Walker, Gesicki, Hurst, V.McDonald, Dissley
    DST - Steelers / K - Lutz
  • chuckeycharleschuckeycharles Posts: 6,029
    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.



    10 Team Dynasty - All TDs = 6 / PassingYd = .04 / Rushing-ReceivingYd = .10 / No-PPR / No Bonus
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - RB - RB/WR - WR - WR/TE - TE - DST - K
    QB - Wilson, J. Allen, Stafford, Haskins, Minshew / RB - Saquon, Zeke, Kamara, D.Cook, Samuels, Mattison, Pollard, J.Hill
    WR - Hopkins, M.Thomas, AJG, Godwin, M.Williams, AJBrown, Chark / TE - OJ.Howard, M.Andrews. Dissly, Hockenson, Gesicki,
    DST - Ravens, Vikings / K - Lutz
    12 Team Dynasty - TDs = 4-6 / PassingYd 25=1 / Rushing-ReceivingYd 10=1 / PPR / Bonus 3 at 300-100
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - 2RB - 3WR - 1TE - 1FlexRWT - DST - K
    QB - Cousins, Trubisky, Darnold / RB - DJ, Ingram, K.Johnson, A.Jones, Crowell, JamaalWilliams, M.Davis, D.Harris, R.Armstead, A.Barnes
    WR - Hopkins, K.Allen, DK.Metcalf, Boykin, Westbrook, Humphries, DavidMoore, Cole, Sharpe, Baldwin / TE - Gronk, Walker, Gesicki, Hurst, V.McDonald, Dissley
    DST - Steelers / K - Lutz
  • sludgejudgesludgejudge Posts: 750

    So, a Roman walks into a bar holding up two fingers and says "I'll have 5 beers please".

    Saw it in the other thread... I must be dense.
    ✌️ looks like a V....V is 5 in Roman numerals
  • sludgejudgesludgejudge Posts: 750
    Two Italian men are on a bus having an animated conversation.
    The woman behind them ignores them at first but becomes enraged after hearing one man say...
    “Emma comes first, Den I come, Den two asses come together. I come once a more, Two asses they come together again, I come again and pee twice, Den I come a one a lasta time.”

    “You foul mouthed swine” retorted the lady. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

    “Hey coola down lady. Who’s a talkin bout sexa?” Says the man, “I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella Mississippi.”
  • chuckeycharleschuckeycharles Posts: 6,029

    So, a Roman walks into a bar holding up two fingers and says "I'll have 5 beers please".

    Saw it in the other thread... I must be dense.
    ✌️ looks like a V....V is 5 in Roman numerals
    Well duhhhhh. Now it makes perfect sense.
    10 Team Dynasty - All TDs = 6 / PassingYd = .04 / Rushing-ReceivingYd = .10 / No-PPR / No Bonus
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - RB - RB/WR - WR - WR/TE - TE - DST - K
    QB - Wilson, J. Allen, Stafford, Haskins, Minshew / RB - Saquon, Zeke, Kamara, D.Cook, Samuels, Mattison, Pollard, J.Hill
    WR - Hopkins, M.Thomas, AJG, Godwin, M.Williams, AJBrown, Chark / TE - OJ.Howard, M.Andrews. Dissly, Hockenson, Gesicki,
    DST - Ravens, Vikings / K - Lutz
    12 Team Dynasty - TDs = 4-6 / PassingYd 25=1 / Rushing-ReceivingYd 10=1 / PPR / Bonus 3 at 300-100
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - 2RB - 3WR - 1TE - 1FlexRWT - DST - K
    QB - Cousins, Trubisky, Darnold / RB - DJ, Ingram, K.Johnson, A.Jones, Crowell, JamaalWilliams, M.Davis, D.Harris, R.Armstead, A.Barnes
    WR - Hopkins, K.Allen, DK.Metcalf, Boykin, Westbrook, Humphries, DavidMoore, Cole, Sharpe, Baldwin / TE - Gronk, Walker, Gesicki, Hurst, V.McDonald, Dissley
    DST - Steelers / K - Lutz
  • chuckeycharleschuckeycharles Posts: 6,029

    Two Italian men are on a bus having an animated conversation.
    The woman behind them ignores them at first but becomes enraged after hearing one man say...
    “Emma comes first, Den I come, Den two asses come together. I come once a more, Two asses they come together again, I come again and pee twice, Den I come a one a lasta time.”

    “You foul mouthed swine” retorted the lady. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

    “Hey coola down lady. Who’s a talkin bout sexa?” Says the man, “I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella Mississippi.”

    LOL
    10 Team Dynasty - All TDs = 6 / PassingYd = .04 / Rushing-ReceivingYd = .10 / No-PPR / No Bonus
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - RB - RB/WR - WR - WR/TE - TE - DST - K
    QB - Wilson, J. Allen, Stafford, Haskins, Minshew / RB - Saquon, Zeke, Kamara, D.Cook, Samuels, Mattison, Pollard, J.Hill
    WR - Hopkins, M.Thomas, AJG, Godwin, M.Williams, AJBrown, Chark / TE - OJ.Howard, M.Andrews. Dissly, Hockenson, Gesicki,
    DST - Ravens, Vikings / K - Lutz
    12 Team Dynasty - TDs = 4-6 / PassingYd 25=1 / Rushing-ReceivingYd 10=1 / PPR / Bonus 3 at 300-100
    - - - - - - - - - - - Starting requirements = QB - 2RB - 3WR - 1TE - 1FlexRWT - DST - K
    QB - Cousins, Trubisky, Darnold / RB - DJ, Ingram, K.Johnson, A.Jones, Crowell, JamaalWilliams, M.Davis, D.Harris, R.Armstead, A.Barnes
    WR - Hopkins, K.Allen, DK.Metcalf, Boykin, Westbrook, Humphries, DavidMoore, Cole, Sharpe, Baldwin / TE - Gronk, Walker, Gesicki, Hurst, V.McDonald, Dissley
    DST - Steelers / K - Lutz
  • sludgejudgesludgejudge Posts: 750

    BUT since you started this thread...

    A man in a very exclusive restaurant notices that all the waiters and busers all have a spoon in their shirt pockets.

    The diner asks his waiter about it and the waiter replies that the restaurant owner, an efficiency expert, found that the utensil that most often falls on the floor is the spoon. So to save time everyone has a spoon on hand

    Later the man notices that his waiter has a string hanging out of his fly and asks his waiter about that.

    Embarrassed, the waiter tells him that that is another efficiency protocol. The restaurant owner studied the time consuming practice of hand washing following a trip to the men's room. So every male has a string around his little fella to remove it without touching it and thus avoid hand washing.

    The diner then says "Impressive, but, how do you put your little fella back?"

    The waiter replies "Well... I don't know about all the other guys. But, I just use the spoon."


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